THESE BLOGS BEGAN JUNE 26 2013
RUNNING NOW FOR
AND NOT A LAWSUIT IN SIGHT, DARLINGS!
Updating for the amazon sample, you evil bastards. What are you going to try next - poison?
Meanwhile, all good people -
PLEASE READ THIS BOOK
Written by my Auntie Kathleen, it is about my mother's childhood, my grandmother Florence, my Great Auntie Edie and all my maternal relatives. You will find me in Chapter 58.
You will also find several mistakes: - now, why would the
writer make those mistakes?
CLICK HERE TO READ
MY OWN MEMOIR - THE $1.25 BILLION
running since June 26 2013
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SARAH HOLLAND'S LIFE STORY
PMA Literary & Film Management
The late Bob Silverstein
WISE OLD TOM KELLY SAYS: -
I looks out me window and what does I see?
Lots of gentlemen from London and New York who don't want to be in Sarah Holland's Life Story.
This is Sarah Holland, photographed here on the Isle of Man at Peel Castle: -
And this piccie below is of her famous mam, Sheila Holland, photographed in Toronto. Sheila lived on the Isle of Man for more 'n' 30 years and was also known as best selling writer Charlotte Lamb: -
Sheila was Queen of Romance at Harlequin Mills and Boon and sold more 'n' 300,000,000 books all over the world in her lifetime. Always had TV cameras on the island and gave us good publicity.
Her e-books estate is worth a minimum of $1.25 billion and a maximum of lots more.
How much cash be that?
THE GLOBAL COMPANY in Sarah Holland Life Story Quiz is - in my opinion - the Canadian romance giant, HARLEQUIN, the biggest publishing company in the history of the world.
Harlequin have more money than God and they keep it all in Switzerland.
Harlequin live in Toronto and are owned by the multi-billion dollar news corporation TORSTAR.
Torstar are the Canadian equivalent of Rupert Murdoch's News International.
I could be wrong, but I reckon "The Head Honcho in the silly bow tie" must be this guy who I found on the net. I thought it was Bert out of Mary Poppins. Any minute now, I said to myself, he'll start dancing a jig and singing "Me Ole Bamboo".
His dad, Beland Honderich was friendly with Sarah's mam, Charlotte Lamb, and he must be rolling in his grave to see how his son's treated her daughter.
Here he is, John Honderich, looking a complete plonker.
Oh aye, THE LITERARY AGENT.
Well I done me homework on this 'un and he's got to be a bloke called Luigi Bonomi. He was Sheila's agent when she died, although she was going to get rid of him and he never even bothered to attend her funeral, which is a poor show, I reckon. They say he dropped her when she had her stroke and didn't call her for six months.
Sheila's youngest nicknamed him Barton Fink.
Here he is, Luigi Bonomi, looking like an FBI mugshot.
Oh, and the TV stars who are his biggest clients must be, in my opinion, the nation's darlings Richard and Judy. Let's hope, if Judy should kick the bucket, Luigi doesn't treat her daughter the way he treated Sheila's.
And how was that?
Next I reckon it be THE BLACKMAILER.
I could be wrong, I hold my hands up, but this Karin Stoecker was head of Harlequin Mills and Boon London in the 90s. They say it was paradise before she came, run by a lovely old gentleman called Alan Boon who treated his staff like friends and his authors like queens.
But according to those in the know, Karin had her orders: - Bert from Mary Poppins wanted her to make it an horrible place to work so that the authors would be poor and obedient.
Well, they reckon she made it such an horrible place to work that half the authors died and everyone in publishing circles nicknamed it THE CONCENTRATION CAMP with Karin herself known as THE CAMP COMMANDANT and THE NAZI.
Here she is, and you can just imagine her in her uniform, can't you?
Must have been fireworks when her 'n' old Barton Fink first got together!
I hear tell Karin knew all about him, ooh-arr! She knew he'd kissed the girls at Mills and Boon and made them cry for his own kinky, sadistic pleasures. He'd also written the famous 10 page backstabbing letter to Toronto that got Frances Whitehead fired in 1994 and replaced by Karin Stoecker.
So he looked around for a scapegoat.
And guess who he found?
I knows all about it - and that kind of skulduggery can really take off once it gets going. After a while, nobody even remembers how or why it started. The victim stops being a real person and just becomes a source of power.
Oh, there are lots of tales to tell about shady publishing deals behind the scenes in: -
But I don't let it confuse me, like.
So I done lots of digging and came up with a few turnips.
THE LAWYER has got to be this guy, The Lord Chief Justice of Planet Earth, the worshipful Sir David of Robertson (all rise), he who knows everything and controls everyone; he with pots of Texan money, he with nothing better to do than arrange conspiracies against a defenceless woman because he told a big fat LIE about her and wants to justify it.
So here he is, the worshipful Sir David of Robertson (all rise), Professor of Law at UT Austin, looking more important and noble and honest than anyone else in the world.
Oooh-arr, what's his game, then?
Only my opinion, but I'm thinking his relative in publishing may be this guy, EVAN SMITH.
Used to be Editor of Texas Monthly but just after Sarah left Texas he up and founded The Texas Tribune. By all accounts, he reckons he's as important as Sir David of Robertson (all rise) and too grand to talk to us yokels, oooh-arr, only talks to them with money and power.
Folks say he was called Greasy Spot-Spot at school, so he vowed to be VERY IMPORTANT when he grew up, but ended up a being a bit of an oily tic instead;
Anyway, I be not sure about the whisky-drinking mama but I reckon it might be Southern Belle Ann T Robertson, who's fond of a dram and talks like Blanche du Bois.
So there it is, mystery solved, in between shearing me sheep and eating me bonnag.
But I always likes to point out all the Manx connections afore I go, and here they all be: -
Crogga Castle on the Old Castletown Road, Santon is the fairy castle where Sarah Holland lived when her mam Charlotte Lamb was alive. Soon as her mam was dead, the baddies all got together and bit by bit tried to kill her, or so they say.
So next time you drive past Crogga Castle, thank your lucky stars your mum didn't write for Harlequin Mills and Boon or you'd end up pursued by a bunch of money-grubbing murderers with your life ruined and no-one to turn to. So much for the wonderful world of romance.
I knew Sarah when she worked at The Queen's, Laxey. Used to serve me a nice pint of mild and called everybody darling. She had holes in her jeans and lived in the upstairs room at the pub. Our drivers let her on the bus to Laxey for free and that be a cue for a Manx song, I reckon.
SARAH HOLLAND DOESN'T WANT TO BE MURDERED SO SHE'S GOING TO PUBLISH HER STORY IN FULL.
Anyway, I'm going back to me sheep - that's another of our Manx Mysteries solved!
Wise Old Tom x
Oh - here's where I got me reading from: -
AND NOW, A WORD FROM OUR SPONSORS...
OOH-ARR, I'M BEING READ IN
ISLE OF MAN,
BOSNIA AND HERZEGOVINA
AND ALL OVER!
Oooh-arr! They got everything hard wired, I reckon. They're all reading this blog the second it's updated. I can see 'em on me stats-view.
MEANWHILE - SARAH'S PHONE IS TAPPED AND HER COMPUTER HACKED 24/7 WHILE BARTON USES HIS POWER UNWISELY.
SWORN AFFIDAVITS REQUIRED FROM ALL INVOLVED CONFESSING THEIR PART IN THIS SHAMEFUL SCANDAL.
NO ALTERNATIVES WILL BE CONSIDERED.
TELL THE TRUTH.